Tuesday, 28 April 2015

Pushing It Out There...

I have a huge work week ahead full of creative challenges and exciting happenings
 so much so I actually sat and planned how to structure my time
 shocking I know, but the time has come for me to start being a bit less haphazard
 I have found all sorts of illustration work coming my way 
 which is exciting in that bungee jump off the side of an airship kind of way
  but more and more I find I wake up twitching with the fun of it all
 every day in the studio is different now, and full of opportunities to completely freak out
 not to mention I have some teaching projects in the works which I can't wait to share soon
 so every day is kind of glorious and overwhelming in equal portions
 which suddenly struck me as looking very different to what my creative life used to be
 and led to some very uncharacteristic introspection and reflection on my part
while I finally finished off this perfume bottle... it has been quite the process, but something about blues lends itself to reflection it would seem
and the planned post on liquid masking fluid and frisket will wait for another time
and instead I am going to share this rare moment that finds me being something other than my usual shallow pool

 I made all sorts of deals with myself during treatment for breast cancer
which of course is a total cliche, but it also happens to be true
you can't help but think about your life and how you live... it just comes with the territory
and somewhere in there I decided I was going to start taking risks, and jump at opportunities
because I can tell you now I didn't regret one artistic mistake or one crap painting.

I didn't lie around feeling like I had taken too many risks with my work or pushed it out there too much, not to mention turning down opportunities because I thought I had to improve my skills, or that I had to develop my work or whatever, or I wasn't ready for it or whatever other rubbish excuse I used to cover up for being chicken shit...

I did however, regret the drawings and paintings I hadn't painted 
all the ideas that I hadn't gotten to yet, or even worse, that I had discarded as too challenging, not to mention the opportunities I had passed up... those things all felt pretty unbearable to tell you the truth
it freaked me out that I had let negativity rule so many of my artistic decisions
I felt like I had wasted so much time hiding behind all sorts of excuses and a lack of belief in my own work... which was insane when looked at through the lens of bloody cancer

so I decided that I was going to lighten up work wise when I was through treatment
if an opportunity presented itself then I was running with it, I was going to throw caution to the wind and just see what happened... after all things had been pretty rubbish and I got through that, so maybe, just maybe I was stronger than I thought and if it all went pear shaped and people stopped reading the blog, or buying my paintings then in the scheme of things that was hardly a tragedy... the tragedy was the whole wasted time thing

I decided to completely to embrace painting whatever took my fancy
and be completely unapologetic about it
I love perfume bottles, tea, food, things around the house, not to mention my cuppa project
and packaging... I seriously love great packaging
so in the last six months I have been running with that
painting whatever feels right, pushing it out there
and taking on projects that I totally don't feel ready for
and you know what... work has been flooding in and I can barely keep up 
learning curves are crazy steep half the time but I find myself embracing projects and work that I never thought I would be able to take on
 and in amongst the crazy schedule and mad deadlines
I am finding I am actually really happy, like gloriously happy

Do I ever get overwhelmed or besieged by doubts... abso-freakin- lutely
do I get tempted to go back to my safe world and comfort zone
you bet your bippy I do
I freak out at times, and think I can't do it all, or that my work will be rubbish
that clients will hate it, or the whole thing will just fall apart
but it turns out I would rather be pushing it out there and maybe falling over than being back on that bathroom floor feeling like rubbish and regretting lost chances
and despite it being scary and uncomfortable at times it is completely worth it
so I hope you jump into something creative today that you don't feel ready for
I know I will be
happy painting all...xx


Kristin Dudish said...

Love you.

Rita said...

Totally, totally awesome! Keep scaring yourself, woman!! Enjoy! :) :) :)

Unknown said...

Your such an inspiration Tracey!!!

ZenziB said...

Leaning into it! You've got that covered for sure.
Thanks for the reminders. The freedom felt when we embrace the abyss is beyond beyond wonderful.

Darnell said...

Thank you for sharing your reflections and resolutions, Tracey! Since you took on and defeated the cancer, my anthem for you has remained, "GO YOU!" I'm so delighted that you are putting paid to the promises you made to yourself on that bathroom floor and that you are jumping out of proverbial airplanes and landing solidly on your two very talented feet!

Well, okay, what do I know about your feet? But you get my meaning, honey chile, and you know that I'm very proud of you and rooting for you all the way!! Love, Darnell

Neesie said...

Not only are you jumping out of aireplanes Trace... you're doing triple somersaults on the way down with beautiful landings by the look of it!
You truly deserve every success and I wish you masses more. Your words fill me (and I suspect everyone else who reads your words) with masses of creative inspiration.
Your work and words are so special. As for that perfume bottle ... it is just gorgeous. Such beautiful colours... Just look at that blue. I adore it!
I'm not sure what I'll be tackling next but you can be sure I'll be remembering words.
Congratulations on all of your successes and enjoy all that's undoubtedly coming your way.

Bev said...

Wooohoooo you go gurlfren onwards and upwards and about bloody time lol

Hugz Bev

PaintingWrite said...

You're awesome. Xx

TwinkleToes2day said...

You rock my heart {{{Hugs}}} xoxox

Unknown said...

OMG did I ever need to read that! I've been doing the same thing with my life and artwork. Always afraid I couldn't handle the stress, clients wouldn't like my work, where would I get the money to make prints, buy a tent, should I be curriculum leader at school .....
You set me straight. I'm going for it and I'm not letting fear hold me back. ;)
Thanks so much for writing this post!

Sandra Busby said...

Wow... I almost feel like printing out this post and pinning it to my studio wall! It's inspiring to read and it really did get me thinking, like I never really have... Best post ever! And a beautiful painting to go with it :0)

Jaz Higgins said...

I LOVE this raw & honest post Tracey! So inspiring!!

"I can tell you now I didn't regret one artistic mistake or one crap painting." - I think I'm going to write this on my wall!

Thank you.

Jaz xo

Viola said...

The inviting lovely colors and the shapes of the bottle you've painted makes me want to test the smell of that perfume :)

cjsrq said...

Wow, thanks for the kick of inspiration! Much needed words of encouragement for me, and so many others I'm sure! Love all that you have been doing - your art has always been fantastic but now, even more so!

Boo G said...

Tracey, As usual, you inspire me. You encourage me to stretch and do more with my art. Thank you so much!!!

Carol said...

Your post was exactly what I needed to jump start my day ♥ Your honesty and courage are a great inspiration. Thanks I needed that ♥

Carol said...

Your post was exactly what I needed to jump start my day ♥ Your honesty and courage are a great inspiration. Thanks I needed that ♥

Linda Kunsman said...

I love you for your honesty and introspective thoughts. I love you for your fabulous art. And I love you for having the courage to take it all on and fly!

Jo Murray said...

You are the strongest woman I know...and you can do whatever you want!

Unknown said...

Love you for beeing there.
Love that you're still there and that that darn cancer didn't get you.
You're not only a great inspiration, you're a great adviser also. Many people keep information for themselves, so others don't get that good too. That's bull - because everybody does it different, in his own way. I realised that quickly. I really just started drawing again, after a very long break after school. I thought I couldn't do it anymore, and then there was that one girl that said: "Just do it!" So I did - the first try wasn't very pretty, but with my second try I could live already. And then I found your blog, and you do it just the way I like it (and would like to).
I'm a happy girl now, just need some better equipment, with time it will get here. I calmed down a lot since I started, I take my time to do it and I love it :))

You are strong, maybe even stronger since that threat, I watched you paint in your video, you know what you're doing and it flows easily out of your hand.
Keep painting, keep blogging, keep being around, love you for that!
Big hug and a wet smack on your cheak

Tinna ✐

PS: I prefer your painting of the perfume bottle from the original :)) Colours are more vibrant, must be fun to use that (paper) perfume :D

Dana said...

What a great attitude Trace, not just about art but life in general! TFS xoxo

Unknown said...

You rock, Tracey! I'm so happy for you that you're flooded with work - it's so great to let go of those negativity. And yes, that's one thing I'm thankful for that this stupid cancer happened to me - it kicks butt and since we're lucky enough to get away from it, we HAVE to just go for it, whatever presents itself :)
Cheers & hugs,

Nordljus said...

A really inspiring post, Tracey. It all sounds very exciting as well as satisfying, both from what's coming your way and your own attitude towards it. Those blues in that bottle are just gorgeous!

Laure Ferlita said...

What an incredible gift to receive (and recognize) from such a crappy experience! Kudos to you for seizing the moment!

Terri Corona said...

Thanks so much for that post - I think it's something we all need to hear.

Marji said...

Love these words, Love you. M.x

sandra de said...

Good on you.... your work is stunning.

Michellem said...

I never leave your blog without feeling inspired or laughing out loud! Thanks for being you and I can't wait to see where this journey takes you.