I have a huge work week ahead full of creative challenges and exciting happenings
so much so I actually sat and planned how to structure my time
shocking I know, but the time has come for me to start being a bit less haphazard
I have found all sorts of illustration work coming my way
which is exciting in that bungee jump off the side of an airship kind of way
but more and more I find I wake up twitching with the fun of it all
every day in the studio is different now, and full of opportunities to completely freak out
not to mention I have some teaching projects in the works which I can't wait to share soon
so every day is kind of glorious and overwhelming in equal portions
which suddenly struck me as looking very different to what my creative life used to be
and led to some very uncharacteristic introspection and reflection on my part
while I finally finished off this perfume bottle... it has been quite the process, but something about blues lends itself to reflection it would seem
and the planned post on liquid masking fluid and frisket will wait for another time
and instead I am going to share this rare moment that finds me being something other than my usual shallow pool
I made all sorts of deals with myself during treatment for breast cancer
which of course is a total cliche, but it also happens to be true
you can't help but think about your life and how you live... it just comes with the territory
and somewhere in there I decided I was going to start taking risks, and jump at opportunities
because I can tell you now I didn't regret one artistic mistake or one crap painting.
I didn't lie around feeling like I had taken too many risks with my work or pushed it out there too much, not to mention turning down opportunities because I thought I had to improve my skills, or that I had to develop my work or whatever, or I wasn't ready for it or whatever other rubbish excuse I used to cover up for being chicken shit...
I did however, regret the drawings and paintings I hadn't painted
all the ideas that I hadn't gotten to yet, or even worse, that I had discarded as too challenging, not to mention the opportunities I had passed up... those things all felt pretty unbearable to tell you the truth
it freaked me out that I had let negativity rule so many of my artistic decisions
I felt like I had wasted so much time hiding behind all sorts of excuses and a lack of belief in my own work... which was insane when looked at through the lens of bloody cancer
so I decided that I was going to lighten up work wise when I was through treatment
if an opportunity presented itself then I was running with it, I was going to throw caution to the wind and just see what happened... after all things had been pretty rubbish and I got through that, so maybe, just maybe I was stronger than I thought and if it all went pear shaped and people stopped reading the blog, or buying my paintings then in the scheme of things that was hardly a tragedy... the tragedy was the whole wasted time thing
I decided to completely to embrace painting whatever took my fancy
and be completely unapologetic about it
I love perfume bottles, tea, food, things around the house, not to mention my cuppa project
and packaging... I seriously love great packaging
so in the last six months I have been running with that
painting whatever feels right, pushing it out there
and taking on projects that I totally don't feel ready for
and you know what... work has been flooding in and I can barely keep up
learning curves are crazy steep half the time but I find myself embracing projects and work that I never thought I would be able to take on
and in amongst the crazy schedule and mad deadlines
I am finding I am actually really happy, like gloriously happy
Do I ever get overwhelmed or besieged by doubts... abso-freakin- lutely
do I get tempted to go back to my safe world and comfort zone
you bet your bippy I do
I freak out at times, and think I can't do it all, or that my work will be rubbish
that clients will hate it, or the whole thing will just fall apart
but it turns out I would rather be pushing it out there and maybe falling over than being back on that bathroom floor feeling like rubbish and regretting lost chances
and despite it being scary and uncomfortable at times it is completely worth it
so I hope you jump into something creative today that you don't feel ready for
I know I will be
happy painting all...xx