Friday, 31 January 2014

Fantasy vs Reality ...

By the time you read this I will be in getting yet more tattoos for radiotherapy
third trip people
I am starting to look like a human dot to dot
I will spare you the details but I like to think that it is just that they enjoy my dismounts so much 
that they keep calling me back to experience the wonder of them
of course that is me living firmly in fantasy land
but that did get me thinking about all the fantasy vs reality situations
of the whole breast cancer crap and it is quite the list it turns out ...

I had this fantasy that I would look all bad ass and Demi Moore cool as a baldy
the reality is much closer to buddha with glasses... not even vaguely cool

fantasy...getting bitten by a mosquito while full of chemo would lead to them being poisoned by the stuff and dying a horrid and painful death
reality...they suck it up like nectar and become bloody mutant super mozzie

fantasy...I will lounge in bed and my dutiful daughter Phantom Steve read to me from my favourite books
reality... she had me as a captive audience for endless YouTube videos featuring Mamrie Hart, Grace Helbig and Hannah Hart ... though admittedly once you get past the language and some of the wildly inappropriate content ...they are hilarious

fantasy... that the dog licking my bald head is because he wants to comfort me
reality... he also licks cushions, carpet and his boy bits so maybe not sure about that one

fantasy... that I will wake up from a lovely slumber to the sound of gentle birdsong
reality... I wake to the sounds of Phants trying to get the dog to sit on a whoopee cushion
though for the record reality was pretty darn funny in this case
the look on his face when she achieved it was priceless

sleep fantasy number 2...  that I will wake to find a hot cup of tea and a selection of chocolates on the bed side table waiting for me
reality... I wake to mad giggling and find that Phantom and Sinus Man have drawn eyebrows on me/made bows out of washy tape and stuck them to my head/have hidden the remotes... you get the idea... it has been a long 24 weeks of chemo
and I still find myself a few days after my last dose waking up with a racing heart at the thought of what fresh joke hell they have inflicted on me ...

fantasy... that Phants will want me to impart all my wisdom while she sits dutifully by my side
reality... she just wants me to keep messing up her seven sided rubik's cube thingy so she can get her solve time down ...
while acting as my editor Phants became incensed at the inaccuracies of this one and demanded a clarification... it is a seven layered v cube... technically a seven by seven by seven... yep she whooppee cushions the dog but I am in trouble for rubik's inaccuracies!!!!

fantasy... that having no eyebrows would mean I now have a great poker face and after whipping Sinus a few times I will be ready for the pro poker circuit and will make my fortune
reality... the sum total of my poker knowledge comes down to being mildly familiar with a Kenny Rodgers song and Sinus knows even less,  so I am thinking this one may be quite the reach to take from fantasy to reality...

fantasy... that I would have time to do all the Soul Food Lessons
reality... the only one I have attempted is the one by Gwen Seemel
mind you I loved it... all those coloured pens and messy lines... right up my alley
and in keeping with the whole fantasy/ reality theme I thought I would get in and transform some of my "normal"drawings into her fabulous coloured fantasy versions
and while I still love my normal versions, those coloured ones are kind of addictive

I also tried some inchies for the first time
which is all sorts of fun... challenging because I am half blind and have rather dodgy motor skills but I do wish I had thought to try them earlier
I was inspired by Diane Scott 
and they would have been perfect while I was stuck doing bugger all for so long...
of course now I am up and about I am sure they will be as much fun in the studio
happy painting everyone...xx

Friday, 17 January 2014

Wild Burrito Ninja Tatt Girl....

The countdown is on people
only ten days or so and I will be through to the end of the whole chemo journey
seriously can't wait because it has been kind of kicking my butt up one side of the street
and down the other these last few weeks
but the end is in sight so who bloody cares right.... 
I certainly don't because I got to paint a little this week
which always makes the crappy bits easier to deal with
plus I finally became like the cool kids and got myself five tattoos...

Okay so they aren't cool tattoos
in fact I'm not a huge fan of the tat so I'm not sure there is such a thing..
and in fact unless you knew where to look you would just think I had some suspect black freckles... but I am claiming those babies...
why... because I went through quite a bit to get em that's why
turns out radiation planning is just one more embarrassing experience to add 
to the list which involves a whole lot of people in a room playing with what is left of poor lefty
dear god I swear there are only a handful of people left in the hospital who haven't prodded, poked, cut into, squished and now drawn on and tatted up that sucker

The whole process was quite the experience
walk into a room filled with people
get yourself topless self onto a table thingy attached to a CT scan
without flashing the world and rolling off the other side like a burrito
flop old lefty into a hole in the table / bed thingy
and proceed to lie there while they basically squish, prod, measure, draw on, scan and tattoo the bejeezus out of you
not too bad in the scheme of things I suppose
but then comes the fun part
you have to dismount this contraption
and you have been lying in one position for 45 mins and everything has gone to sleep
I did achieve it, though with very little of my dignity intact
and I was awarded some points for attempting a rather exciting dismount technique
the technician gave me a 6.5 for my wild half pike with a twist in a reverse position
which I thought was a touch harsh as I am not coordinated at the best of times
and doing the whole thing topless with various limbs still numb
was quite the achievement in my book... 
those technicians are so jaded I tell you
or maybe people just do really impressive dismounts... who knows...
 but I impressed myself by sticking the landing like a gymnast
actually better than a gymnast because I didn't do one of those ridiculous back arching things
I was like a ninja

Phantom Steve decided we should celebrate my induction into the tattoo club with something more appropriate than the paltry five dots that I have
and so she gave me this baby on the inside of my arm...
seriously perfect isn't it
and from now on I would like to be referred to by this title...
and with that Wild Burrito Ninja wishes you all a happy painting weekend...xx

Friday, 3 January 2014

The New Year's Desk ....

Hugest Happy New Year Wishes to all and sundry
it has been quite a ride the last few weeks 
and my brain is running in fifty million directions at once
so before I get distracted
I want to open with the biggest thank you in the world to all of you
who made my Christmas so special after the crazy generosity of the Tea Party
over at Paint Party Friday, hosted by the uber cool Kristin and Eva
a sincere heartfelt thanks to all who managed to reduce me to floods of tears
at your fabulous art works, amazing words and support
there is no way I can express how much it gave me a lift
It still reduces me to sniffles just thinking about it all... you all rock ... big time
and on the back of that  I have cruised into the New Year
on a wave of sugar, eggnog, endless bloody leftovers
and the smell of a new sketchbook and pens...

There is something about the smell of art supplies
it is like catnip to my brain and sends it spinning and zinging in all sorts of directions
a new sketchbook means all those glorious pages waiting to be filled
that moment of complete delicious terror of the first page
and not wanting to put the pox on the whole book with a crap sketch
it is the creak of the uncracked spine
it is the smooth coolness of the paper under your fingers
the feel of the scratch of the pen on the paper as you lay down those first lines
the frizzing in your brain when a bit of colour is added
then those squiggley lines that make you sigh and know all is right in the world
there is nothing quite like it is there

I had decided to draw and sketch a lot more this year
sort of a resolution... not really ... but kind of ... so I can sneak up on it
because I am spectacularly bad at resolutions, and in fact the whole drawing every day 
had been watered back already to draw lots... lasted almost as long as I did last year
but I feel like I have a better excuse than last year for not sticking with a resolution
and that is that ideas are bursting forth too quick for me to get them down on paper
and Christmas was filled with all sorts of wonderful inspiring bits and bobs
which means my brain really does resemble a computer with a million browser pages open
or perhaps it resembles Sinus man in control of the remote for the tv and flicking through fifty squillion channels at warp speed ... seriously why do men do that???? 

all these things to draw and paint
and ideas flowing is a fabulous way to start the year
better too many ideas than not enough
and everything is fodder for my pen and paper
even packaging from burgers... cause how cool is this drawing... 
seriously... and I need to practice hands... not sure what it will turn into but a fun starting point

So as I sit at the computer this is the sight that is looking at me
tempting me to stop typing and get drawing
how can I resist the siren call of a full desk...
we all know I can't even spell willpower so I am going to give in and get back to it
happy painting all...xx