Sunday, 30 September 2012

Jet Puff Phantizzle ...

My daughter Phantom has always been a bit of an odd eater
there was the only eat white things stage
followed by the won't eat anything white stage
the capsicums at every meal stage
the no meat stage
various ethnic stages
the infamous popcorn week
and the only eat one food at a time stage
actually still in that one... she can't have more than one food on her fork at any one time
which makes watching her eat things like stir fry more fun than you can imagine
if she has been particularly annoying I take great pleasure in a nice fine shred
lets see her separate those suckers
it always looks like her head is going to explode by the end of it... hilarious!

So after declaring this holiday was all about cooking and eating Lebanese food
we headed off to the deli to get supplies
now I know this is American but on seeing it Phantom declared it had to be tried
she even offered to pay for it
which is a small miracle as she was born with very long pockets and extremely short arms
so in honour of such a momentous occurrance it was duly put into the basket
I must say it is quite a puzzling substance
and why on earth does it need to be in a shatterproof jar
is there some danger factor here that we don't know about
maybe it randomly jumps of kitchen benches????

As it turned out it is the stuff of miracles
because not only did Phantom Short Arms pay for it
she also put two foods touching on her rice toast
not just touching, but actually weirdly melting into each other
and she ate it
chased it down with a bucket of the pine coconut drink
that has been her constant companion this holidays
but it was eaten
and she said she was considering changing her name from Phantom Steve
to Jet Puff Phantizzle
which appeals to me mightily
I can't wait to call Jet Puff to dinner
or better yet when we are out at the shops
Jet Puff where are you Jet Puff???

I myself didn't try the stuff
and although Sinus did threaten to put his finger in it 
which would have rendered it instantly inedible for Phantom
he has so far restrained him self
and he is off playing golf today so all is quiet on the home front
which is absolute bliss and I did enjoy painting it
a perfect Sunday Sketch subject
happy last week of school holidays all ... xx

This week my blog has been all about holiday antics...

Friday, 28 September 2012

Why School Holidays Do My Head In Part 2....

The good news is I have made it to Friday of week one of the Spring holidays
bad news is that the holidays have continued as they started
board games have become blood sports
both husband and daughter are under a life ban from the Wii
having possession of the tv remote has taken on life and death proportions
the whole house seems to have been transformed
 into a sort of high stakes obstacle course of cups, plates, game pieces, dvd's and rubbish

my nerves are now completely shot
and even the dog has acquired a nervous twitch
which is rather unfortunate as he also has hay fever
so now we have twitchy sneezes 
and you never know which way to move to avoid the avalanche of doggy snot

The first three days of the break consisted of Sinus and Phantom
annoying the bejesus out of each other... and me
to the point where I actually sent each to a different floor of the house 
and told them they couldn't return until they heard the oven timer go off
now I may have done the sneaky extending of the time a few times 
but it seemed to give them enough space that they calmed down to a tolerable level
great news for me, not so great for the mutt

They seem to have decided poor Mushu is to be the focus of their combined need to torture
they have discovered how endlessly funny it is to hide from him
then jump out and scare the pillicks out of him as he walks past
they have crept up on him while he is asleep, hidden his favourite toys
and blamed him for everything from the constantly emptying fridge
and the mess that is slowly but surely consuming the whole house
not to mention that he hasn't been doing the dishes 
from any of the 50 million meals and snacks he is apparently eating

It would appear that he is also managing to drink 
litres and litres of pine coconut drink
so much of this stuff has been consumed 
I have been half expecting spontaneous bouts of hula dancing 
I sort of heard mutters about how funny it would be to see the dog in a grass skirt
and mentions of coconut bikinis 
but I am hoping that his explosive snot filled sneezing
may in fact save him from that indignity
I could possibly intervene 
but at this stage I am more concerned it will mean they will turn on me
so I am throwing him under the bus people
and he can fend them off as best he can
happy Friday everyone... especially my friends over at PPF...xx

Holiday torture fun has been discussed in these last two posts...

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Game For A Bit Of Nostalgia....

Aimee over at Artsyville has started List it Tuesdays back up
and set a topic of things that make you nostalgic
and yes it is Wednesday but you can all get over it
my nerves are shot and my head is spinning
and quite frankly it is a small miracle I am getting anything up at all
as we are now deep into the first week of school holidays
makes me nostalgic for peace and quiet
but I figured a blank piece of paper is a tad cheeky so
here is a sort of half assed list of games that make me nostalgic...

1. Our old Monopoly set never fails to bombard me with memories
as kids we played endlessly
and for years and years my Dad always won
though it turns out that after reading the rules many years later
he had been cheating shamelessly
but that is part of his charm... or so he says
Sinus and I have dragged this thing all over the country
and have had epic games that last for days
against each other and friends
there have been family challenges with trophies
and as Phantom got old enough to play she was introduced to it as well
sadly for us it would appear she is a Monopoly Savant
and to this day hasn't been beaten
she doesn't even cheat... she just nails us every single time
has sort of taken the fun out of it to tell you the truth....
as a side note she is also a Yahtzee freak
and gets yahtzee at least once every single bloody game
it's just not normal or right...

2. next is Scrabble
which is my least favourite game in the history of the world
I used to love it
until I married Sinus and discovered that it could in fact be played
at a place so slowly that you physically age between goes
I know it is his strategy because by the time it is my go 
I am whacking any old word down just to end the agony 
of the 20 minutes of my life that I will never get back
and he inevitably wins or I give up
but also there was the infamous Waffer incident
in which Sinus declared it was a word so vehemently
that he and Phantom almost came to blows... it was dictionaries at 100 paces
and I all but had to hold them apart...and it looked not unlike a rugby scrum 
at least it was entertaining I suppose

3. Finally there is Jenga
which you would think would be a nightmare for someone with my coordination
but who needs coordination
when a well placed sneeze of cough can win you the game
and of course it is great practice for unstacking our dishwasher
which somehow manages to go from neatly stacked to championship level Jenga
in the space of the rinse cycle
It is one of the great mysteries of my existence how it happens...

So there's my list
thinking I may let Sinus and Phantom loose on a few games this afternoon
and let them take each other out so I can have some peace
worth a try I think....xx 

I am also sharing this over at Artist's Playroom
because if the holiday madness continues 
I may not get the chance to get another painting done!!!

My last two blog posts are here if you want a look....

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Why School Holidays Do My Head In....

This sketch is the only thing I have looked like completing since Spring break started
which is only one day ago
it feels longer though
because, while I love my daughter and husband dearly
having them both home is not that conducive to good work habits
and I despair of how I will survive the next few weeks
I am not being overly dramatic or mean .... honestly
here is a run down of my first day of the break

Phantom is brilliantly stupid
she has a magnificent brain but is somewhat patchy on the common sense skills
I was just starting to work when she called out
that she needed a scooper thing for the pool to catch the little lobster thing
lobster thing??? all I could think was how did a prawn get in the pool? 
did it have wings.... ooo maybe we can sell it on ebay???
so I duly send Sinus out with scooper... 
which required him to brave the spider infested shed
to have him take a look at the lobster thing
not a lobster it turns out
or a prawn with wings
it is, in fact,  a grasshopper
now Phantom has academic achievements and awards spilling out her ears
but it seems she doesn't know the difference between a grasshopper and a crustacean
Sinus dropped the scooper in disgust and left the poor dead thing in its icy grave
We duly taunted and teased her and retreated back to our various activities

next I hear a splash from the pool 
and spy her sitting on the edge freezing her toes off
now I know it is getting warm 
but Sinus had to brush small ice bergs out of the way to get to the lobster/ grasshopper
but she is in swimmers braving the pool
so like the good, supportive and nurturing parent that I am
I bet her $50 that she won't get in
not up to her knees in, but up to her shoulders in
keep in mind, the lobster/ grasshopper has sunk back to the bottom of the pool
and she hates bugs and critters
and she usually wraps herself in a blanket
after eating a bowl of ice cream in the middle of Summer
so I am figuring it is a safe bet
 but no...the little bugger did it...
up to her armpits
her skin was red raw and she was having trouble breathing
but I had to take the $50 out and put it in her badly shaking hand

the day pretty much got weirder from there in

there was the pouring out of a perfectly good drink when I was at the sink
because Sinus put his finger in it
still haven't got to the bottom of why he put his finger in her drink
but when asked if this was the case, he fessed up to it
don't think I want to know

plus the long conversation about the cut of chicken called a Maryland
not Merry Lambs as Phantom had previously thought
turns out she had been puzzled by this for some time
which bought up the fact that she thought it was a Ham Bag
so we stuff our car keys and wallets sundry items in a container of cured meat???
and this was until recently.... seriously
she was happy that both things made much more sense now
and duly declared the problem with English 
is that people don't pronounce their consonants properly

we were also tortured by endless rounds of Mario cart, Wii archery
and a scary, almost physical game of Wii bowling
that almost resulted in Sinus and Phantom braining each other
all of which was completed to a soundtrack of bad seventies and eighties Karaoke
because the people who live behind us were having a big party 
and had the music cranked to an ungodly volume
so the whole neighbourhood could enjoy their out of tune, drunken singing
all night.... yahoo for us

so it is a miracle I am functioning at all today
and found the brain power to sit and do some sketches
from a magazine I was reading while drinking my breakfast smoothie
I was going to so some painting
but I have again been called to break up round two of the Wii war
 that has erupted between my two beloveds
I sent the dog to adjudicate but Sinus thought he is favouring Phantom
and it seems my peace negotiation skills are required
Day 2 is shaping up to be not unlike Day 1
wish me luck....xx

linking up with Sunday Sketches

My last two posts can be found with these links
if the holidays continue like this they may be the last time I make sense
or get any work done...

Friday, 21 September 2012

A Broken Tale....

I have a bone to pick with the bloody lot of you
you have broken me
I was one of those people who gloriously sails through until late November
and then hits the panic button when I realise
 that Christmas is just around the corner
I hyperventilate for a time, make a cuppa/ pour a glass of wine
make a list of relatives and sundries to buy for
hyperventilate again
have a lie down and meditate about George Clooney to try to calm myself
and then madly shop in a frenzy for a few days before school is out

I usually have a brief time feeling smug that I have nailed it
despite knowing there is usually at least one present that is a head shaker
you know the whole what was I thinking horror
but I figure as long as the same person doesn't get head shakers every year
then I am ahead of the game
I know some of you will be slightly alarmed at this approach
 but I like to think it is part of my charm

So here's the thing
the big I can't believe you have made me do this
I have found myself sketching up Christmas cards
it is freaking September people
Spring break starts today but I am thinking Christmas

I don't know myself anymore
I could blame the unseasonably warm days
even for us here is Queensland it is Summer like
but deep down I know it is because I would like to send some cards
to blogging buddies and assorted lovelies 
and I will have to send them in enough time to allow for air mail and all that
which does make my brain bleed out my ears just a little bit
so rather than my usual haphazard approach that has served me so well
 I am thinking cards
I haven't sent a one in years 
but I find myself planning and plotting, sketching and considering
it is freaking the bejesus out of me
you have all ruined me with your support and friendship
if you weren't so wonderful then I could be sitting back now
considering my belly button and eating truffles
while watching the dust bunnies play on the lounge room floor

so I am warning you now
your card will have a design like this on it
not too Christmasy you may think
but as revenge for breaking me 
I have every intention of rubbing in the fact that it is gloriously warm
and that we are lying around the pool drinking mango and mint drinks
while you are all shivering and cursing the cold
but that is what you get for being too nice
so suck it up buttercup!!!!

linking up with Paint Party Friday... 
which is full of supportive and wonderful people
but be warned they change you in alarming ways ... xx

Something else that is alarming
is the  oh so punny title of the last post...

and the slightly freaky

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Beet That....

See these beets
they aren't just any old beets
they are Sinus beets
Yes my dear husband, Sinus is from this moment on to be known as
Farmer Sinus
not to be confused with Sinus Farmer
because I don't think I would like that very much at all
not even sure how you would farm a sinus... harvesting snores perhaps
or fields of tissues....
anyway so here they are
in all their glory direct from the back yard vegie patch
lovingly tended by the man himself
who checks on his babies every day after work
I would have drawn the snow peas
but they get eaten as fast as they grow on the vine
farmer's prerogative apparently

and I can't show you the carrots
because they are beyond mutants
they would give you nightmares
they still taste good, but boy do they look freaky
and there is something rather offputting about eating something 
that looks scarily like the a giant's arthritic toes... with bad hang nails
the beets however are a delight not just to draw and paint, but also to eat
I am planning a beet and feta tart over the weekend now they are duly drawn

So beets it is for the APR challenge  In Your Backyard
and a big thanks to Farmer Sinus for growing such wonderful specimens...
maybe the next crop of carrots will also be pretty enough to draw
if we are game to try them again that is....

Can I also take a moment to thank Rita Barton
for this wonderful award... very much appreciated...xx
My last few posts have been...

Sunday, 16 September 2012

Meet the Greens....

 I was wandering past the kitchenware store the other morning
and these babies were in the window
there was a whole display of them
and there were heaps of others
a few of which were a touch challenging
 for me to remember for future reference
without having my brain start to bleed
it was 8am after all
I was barely coherent let alone capable of whipping out my sketchbook
but on the way out I stopped for another good look
on a slope ...with full grocery trolley... 
quite a feat because if I had of let go
I would have taken out about twenty very elderly people like skittles
it was rather odd actually as they had arrived en masse
a blue rinse gang with souped up walkers
all hanging at the mall.... go figure

It was so worth a possible incident with a runaway trolley
because if I hadn't stopped for a closer look
I wouldn't have seen they have names
oh yes people some bright bugger has decided to name them
and they are a family of gadgets... the Green family
which I thought meant I was going to be treated to some awesome puns
but either they are being purposefully obtuse, or I am a bit slow
because I don't get some of the the names

On the left let me introduce Cheese Grater Gaby Green
no clue if you have to change her name if you use carrots on her
though Zelda Zucchini grater has quite the ring to it don't you think..
and then we have Potato Masher Marshall Green
not looking like any potato masher I have ever seen
I might be tempted to go and buy this one just to see how it works
to me it looks like it might flap some potatoes to death but that is about it

We then have Pizza Cutter Pepper Green
again not sure what relevance Pepper has
because we call peppers capsicums in Australia
and I don't usually put pepper pepper on pizza
very confusing
the next one is a cracker though
Mayor Corey Green... yes they went with Corey for an apple corer
finally a bit of nice obvious pun humour
though not sure why he is wearing what looked like a zorro mask
or why he is a mayor????
This final one is Citrus Reamer Joyce Green
which looks like a mighty fine gadget
though I do think that my Gran would be offended
that they named a reaming device after her
then again maybe she wouldn't have, she did have drill sergeant tendencies
and you don't see the name Joyce very often do you
so while the gadget didn't have a necklace
I added it as a tribute to Joycey  baby
who never went out without her beads on
and would have always looked put together even if it was to ream things....

Happy Sunday Sketches to all ...xx

My last two blog posts have been...

Friday, 14 September 2012

Shear Stupidity...

I have never claimed that my dog is a brain surgeon
in fact I think I have a healthy understanding of his many and varied limitations
which are usually far outweighed by his complete and utter adorableness
but yesterday he took his ability to make me shake my head in wonder at his stupidity
to a whole new level

In his defence I may not have started his day too well
as I may have spilled just a little blueberry tea on him
it was cool at the time, and I thought it gave him a rather dashing air
but he was rather unhappy, not at the fact that he had a strip of bluish purple hair
but that I had dropped it dead centre on his back and he couldn't get at it to lick it I think
and if that wasn't enough it was grooming day

Not that he is smart enough to remember what is happening 
and he greeted the groom with love and adoration
he sat excitedly on the table, licking her hand and generally being cute
until she started the clippers and did the first run down his back
and you could see the shock in his eyes
the OMG how did I not see that coming 

He manfully shook and whimpered his way through
the gentlest grooming in the history of the world
putting his shiver on and trying to plead for it all to be over
with his most mournful eyes gazing up at me, but 
in no time at all he had gone from woolly mammoth to spring lamb

On his feet hitting the ground he forgot all about the indignities he had suffered 
and reverted to bounding around like he had springs in his feet
and generally doing the equivalent of doggy cartwheels
he raced straight inside to try to grab his doggy crack off the shelf
he will do almost anything for these mini marrowbones
and on getting his treat for being such a wimp
he gleefully bounded out the door 
with a leap that would have won him the gold medal for high jump
he sailed through the air about three feet off the ground
didn't quite nail the landing but it looked impressive none the less

The next four hours consisted of him running around like a mad thing
jumping up on the sofa ...jumping off the sofa
jumping up on the bed while I am trying to have a nanna nap
jumping off the bed
jumping back up on the bed and depositing a smelly toy on my face
jumping off the bed in the hope I will throw said smelly toy
jump back up on the bed and be totally surprised that there is a toy up there
play with the toy on the bed until I give up on a nap
follow me downstairs... bouncing the whole way
bring every single toy he has ever owned inside at a time
wanting me to look at how handsome he looks with it
run out of studio and deposit toy where ever it drops and go find a different one
trip over all toys on the way out...then again on the way back in
see if I think he lookscute with the cow/ dinosaur/ manky duck toy in his mouth
then repeat the procedure with the pink chicken/ weird fish/ purple alien type toy
tripping on them on the way out, and again on the way back in... 
seriously he tripped over every toy....every time
this went on for hours!!!!
Eventually all the acting like a puppy caught up with him
and he fell asleep on the sofa on his back like a toad squashed on the road
snoring so loudly we had to turn the volume up on the tv

Today his natural sloth like state has reasserted itself
helped by the fact that there is a cold, decidedly non Spring like wind
which means that he is tucked up on the sofa snuggled into his hoody 
or perhaps he has simply forgotten that anything happened yesterday
after all he is looking puzzled as to why all the toys
 are inside and lined up down the hall way
I'm not cleaning them up just yet as it is messing with his head I'm sure
which is totally making my day...

Happy Friday everyone, especially PPF er's ...xx

This week has been a frenzy of posts so here they all are...