Friday, 24 August 2012

The Broccoli Chip Effect....

Let's talk Broccoli chips
now if you are a normal person you will look at this painting
with a sort of horrified fascination that these things exist in the world
a normal reaction is...
they can't taste good
not on your sweet Nelly am I eating them
or in what universe do you think they are making it onto my plate
dear Phantom Steve's reaction was ...
cool can we get them to try... can we .... I think they will be awesome

seriously that is what she said
I pointed out that the same brand of banana chips had not been a winner
but relented as I was still on a high from finding the cereal that I talked about in the last post
so they ended up in the basket
and were duly taken home for Phantom's snacking pleasure
Now Phantom is actually one of the most brillantly stupid people you will ever meet
she has a monster IQ and a freaky brain that does weird and wonderful things
but seems unable to grasp just how bad a broccoli chip could be
I mean seriously
would you eat something that looked like this for anything other than a dare????
Fifty bucks, a pile of chocolate and a weekend with George Clooney
wouldn't be enough to get me to try these suckers
but Phantom and Sinus are either crazy brave or crazy stupid
or maybe a bit of both

because the packet is opened and we are met by the unmistakable waft
of fish food
and not the mild kelpy smell, but the rotting in the sun kelpy smell
these things smell nasty
one whiff and my lips are clamped so tight they couldn't be pried open by the jaws of life
but still Phantom and Sinus eat one.... 
I actually thought Sinus teared up a little bit it was so bad 
but he manfully got it down and declared them the worst thing in the history of the world
Phantom gamely hung onto her poker face for all of 30 seconds
before bolting to the kitchen bin to spit it out
and spent the next ten minutes trying to scrub the taste from her tongue
while shooting me dirty looks, as I was , by this stage,
laughing so hard that I was having trouble breathing
I really regret not having the camera out... 
it would have been a youtube sensation let me tell you

Even more exciting is that I now have the ultimate weapon in my mum arsenal
in the war against teenager-dom
the threat of broccoli chips is being used at each and every opportunity
to great evil effect... 
and just the sight of the box is reducing both Phantom and Sinus to my slaves
which they totally deserve by the way... 
the scales have finally tipped in my favour
and I am mad with the power of it all ...

My domination of the house is not quite complete though
as any sign of any box makes my mutt, Mushu think he is getting a treat
mainly because he is alarmingly stupid and has the memory span of a goldfish, 
so even if we had given him a try of them he would have forgotten what they tasted like 
about two minutes after throwing them up
but he is cute and cuddly and is too gentle a soul to be tortured by such horribleness...
Someone who totally gets how sweet he is , is my friend Von
 she has done the most beautiful painting of him
how wonderful is this
she has caught his eyes so perfectly
check out her post about it here ...
I love it so much.... so a huge public thank you to my friend

Happy Paint Party Friday to all
I am so looking forward to being able to catch up on what you have been up to
head over here to see what other painting goodness is on show... xx

this week I have been back from my studio break 
and here is what I have been up to...

A post over at Dion Dior for the When Artists Cook series


Dion Dior said...

Jeeze T...just when I thought your life couldn't get any more hilarious...I thought you were kidding when you talked about broccoli chips in WAC this week. I'm gonna get some to threaten my own kids. Thanks for the tip. xx

Serena Lewis said...

I take it you guys don't like broccoli?? lol I love broccoli but would probably prefer to make my own broccoli chips...I gather the ones you tried had some sort of ghastly seasoning? Love your sketch!!

Serena Lewis said...

Ooooops, meant to add that Von's painting of Mushu is adorable!!

SandeeNC said...

I would so love to be a fly on your wall, you see the funniest things in the worst momments, and briccoli chips have got to be the worst! Yes, I wish you had your camera on, it would have been a hoot! Vonny did a terrific job on the puppy painting! wtg Vonnie!! waving hi from the hills of North Carolina :)

minnemie said...

Whaaaaa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa! That is absolutely the best post about the worst food ever. But your art does make appear to be a good-tasting snack... ahh, marketers will love you! You better change some of our attractive broccoli to have a rotten purple-ish tint - just so we will reaaaaally believe you;-)

Helen Campbell said...

I can't even imagine broccoli chips... and now won't bother attempting if ever anyone should offer me some. Your stories keep me laughing. Thanks for being you, and having such a fabulous outlook on life's little adventures. :)

peggy gatto said...

Awesome and dog looks like our simon!

Anonymous said...

Kudos to Phantom Steve for even thinking for a second that she wanted to try something that contained vegetables - that's pretty unheard of for any kid/teenager that I know of! I have to admit when you first mentioned them I was kind of thinking 'hmmm, I'd like to try them' but the fishy waft stopped that notion in its tracks!! Hilarious.

Your friend's painting of your wee dog is gorgeous - no wonder you are so delighted with it!

Ayala Art said...

Well, since I love broccoli I was getting all interested in this thing, but not *ever* if it smells seafoodish.
What a shame lol
The doggy painting is awesome!

Valerie-Jael said...

Eeeew, broccoli chips! Lovely painting, but doesn't sound my taste at all! Valerie

Jez said...

Horrified fascination (spelt Yuck) absolutely describes them, even before reading how horrible they were. How does this firm keep in business? Do they have a team of five year olds thinking up their new products!

At least the packet provided another great Tracey painting, and a post to provide my morning giggle. Hang on to that feeling of power, the balance is sure to change again soon!

Netty said...

Brilliant reading, loved every Great painting of the packet even though the contents were horrible..... Happy PPF, Annette x

Kokopelli said...

*ROFL* Thanks for the laugh on Friday! Broccoli chips????? What the heck were you thinking? Happy PPF! Oh yes, great drawing! Bwahahahahahaha! OK, I shut up for now. *giggles*

Natasha said...

I love broccoli so I think I would have wanted to try them, but fishy smell???? Not so much.

Hilarious, maybe I need some of them in my arsenal for my children.

WrightStuff said...

Ha! Ha! Well I've never seen dried brocolli before. Tastes good when lightly steamed and drizzled with lemon peel shavings, finely chopped chilli, garlic and olive oil.

But dried (in presumably a fish smoking shed). No thanks!!

It must be a laugh a minute in your house!!

At work we went through a phase of seeing who could bring back the strangest food from holiday. Best was dried cuttlefish dusted in sugar (from Singapore). I was the only one brave enough to eat it. First bite was fine - because I was basically sugar... Then you got the fish... which was like trying to eat string! After that episode we returned to bringing back fudge and Turkish delight!

Šolanje na domu-Waldorf said...

I love broccoli! :) Never seen it dried though. :) Awesome drawing and that doggy snout is adorable! :)

Sandra Busby said...

YUK!!!!!! They look DISGUSTING!!! I LOVE Broccoli - but not like this - it's not normal!
Hats of to them for trying it though - especially Phantom. Neither of my teenagers would have done, not without me paying them!

Unknown said...

Broccoli chips- really? But what a good weapon to have in your arsenal; I like the way you think!
Great sketch of the box too!

Nancy McCarroll said...

Who knew there was ever a broccoli chip? Great dog face!


Mary C. Nasser said...

Your post cracked me up...especially when I got to the part about the waft of fish food! Yuck! :)

But really, great paintings!
And Mushu's portrait is super-precious!

Happy PPF!!
Mixed-Media Map Art

Faye said...

Your broccoli chip painting is fantastic. I like broccoli but I can't imagine it dried. Yuk! Your post was not only funny but very informative. I won't be wasting my money on those chips and I don't have a pup to give them to. Love the portrait of your dog. Von did well.

Anne Manda said...

... but the box is so pretty!
Ok, thank you for sharing, I would probably have fallen for broccoli chips, since I'm a sucker for all things that are organic, healthy or raw and have a fleeting resemblance of indulgent, unwholesome treats (=chips, candy and chocolate, also cookies)!
Beautiful painting again! Happy PPF!
Mushu's portrait is sweet!

carlarey said...

Thank God my husband hasn't seen those yet...they are right up his stench-ridden organic alley! At least Phantom and Sinus have working taste buds and you now have an invincible weapon.

Great job painting the package, I will know what's in store if I ever see it in the grocery bag the hubs brings in. Consider it a public service warning for the rest of us.

Anonymous said...

Mushu is quite the rockstar, getting a portrait painted of himself and all. Handsome little devil.

I wanted to also say something about how cool your broccoli chip painting is, but the only words that will come about the broccoli chip subject are blech blech blech ;)

Unknown said...

I love broccoli, but I can't imagine it as a chip. I was reading your post hoping for a yum, but no. My husband came back yesterday with a bag of several vegetables chips and they are addictive & delicious so I thought your case will be the same.

Beautiful work and fun post as usual. Have a great day!

Marji said...

Hmmm.. thought I had seen it all - but broccoli chips - really!? Well, brave Phantom for actually giving it a try. Too bad they don't double as dog treats. They actually look like they could stick in your teeth which would make them doubly obnoxious. At least they have become good ammunition in your Mom arsenal!! Glad to have you back. Happy PPF

Cathy Bueti said...

Never heard of those. I do like to eat broccoli but the fish smell would for sure turn my stomach!

Great art work!! Very nice!

Happy PPF!

Christine said...

The broccoli chips look good! And such a cute portrait by your friend!

Kathryn Zbrzezny said...

Just think, if you'd have had a camera going while they were gagging and rinsing...and it went viral on YouTube... and George Clooney saw it...and called you...and...

Michellem said...

I read your post this AM on my cell phone while waking up - you made me laugh out loud! Kudos on your broccoli painting - looks more real than the actual broccoli chip which looks disgusting!! Thanks for saving me from buying such a travesty of a snack (not that I would've ever bought some but I thought that made me sound healthy :)

Aranthe said...

LOL! Steamed broccoli is one of my favorite veggie dishes, but broccoli chips? That's just wrong!

Thanks for the amusing post and fun sketches. (And, yes, Mushu is seven kinds of cute!)

GlorV1 said...

What a great job. Always so amusing when I come here. Thanks for sharing.

Terrie said...

Oh my. What will they think of next? And what in the world gave them a fishy smell? That would have been it for me..... As usual, love your entertaining way of telling a story - wish I had half the talent. My kids kind of glaze over when I get started. Sigh.

As I remember the teenage years, any "hold or control" I thought I had usually lasted a day. Good luck with that! :)

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

I love Broccoli but not sure about chips. Your writing cracks me up. HPPF. Love your illustrations.

pauline said...

HAHAHAHHAHA!!!! *Sinus declared them the worst thing in the history of the world*... oh fuck, that was funny. Yeah, i'm with you on that one. Broccoli chips are just WRONG, wrong, wrong. Some guy was probably stoned one night and thought 'HEY!! I got it!! Brocolli chips!! Those would sell, right?!" Not. Always nice to catch up here Tracey - your work is stunning. Always so vibrant and alive - no doubt like you. xox

Darla said...

At least we got a good laugh out of it and a super painting of the box. I'm sure it looks better than the real thing.


carol l mckenna said...

fun post ~ great art as always ~ What a weapon ~ broccoli chips ~ ???? ~ hmmm ~ enjoy the weekend ~ (A Creative Harbor)

Sandi McLean said...

Tracey..oh I do love visiting you, I so needed a great laugh! What bloody country are these things made in? I can smell them over here in Canada from your description LOL But anything that gives mom the one up on the teen - well that's almost award worthy. Of course I adore your painting and your pals! Hugs,

Karen Smithey said...

I want you to know, I smile before I even start to read your posts! Always a bright spot for me!

What an amazing gift your friend has given you! One of our dogs is also "alarmingly stupid" but she's so tiny and sweet and cute that we all forgive her--

stefanie stark said...

And again, you made me laugh so much about your latest adventure with Phantom, Sinus, the dog and the Broccoli Chips. I could really smell the waft of broccoli-chips-fish-food over here in Germany. I love your notes and illustrations.

bohemiannie! art said...

Isn't it funny how broccoli smells like fish? I mean...the regular green stuff. I often have trouble getting it down for that very I KNOW the chips would've been a no-no. NO. Props to Phantom for at least trying them!

Rita said...

You are kinder than I...or possibly less curious...or less cruel to animals. I would have had to let Mushu try one. No lie! At least once. ;)

At least it had a pretty box for you to reproduce for us. And at least you have adventurous eaters. :)

sharon said...

What a hoot, are you having us on? You are a wonderful storyteller as well as artist. Thanks for the laugh... still laughing!

Carolyn Dube said...

Beyond nasty- yuck- I can't imagine those being any good. There are some seriously scary foods out there at the organic food stores. With my food allergies I have to shop at them with some regularity but I now have scientific evidence to avoid the broccoli chips!

denthe said...

OMG Brocolli-chips!? Does that really exist!? They look horrific .... Sure wish you had had a camera, but the way you wrote it had me laughing out loud too :-)

Lynn Cohen said...

1. my first reaction was to the painted box and my ever oggling of your abiltity to reproduce in art what you see in life so well.

2. my laughter at your story over your poor childrens decisions ever so unwise to actually attempt to eat something that looked and smelled so horrible.


3. Now, by law (I am a mandated reporter) I must call Children's Protective Services and report you for torturing your children unmercifully (and the dog too mind you) and have you taken away!
Sorry, but that is my "day job".


Hugs and thanks for a mornings good laugh on Sunday. Busy week here. HPPF!

Roxanne said...

Hahaha! You are always so funny Tracey. I'll be sure NEVER to try broccoli chips.

Giggles said...

Tears are rolling down my face!! Had to reread it aloud to my kids who are also laughing... Seriously ewww...and I love broccoli!!You need to send this post to a humor blog!! Sometimes your fabulous writing overpowers your amazing artwork!!! Feels so good to have the Mummy power eh?? lol

Your puppy is a adorable..

Hugs Giggles

Hugs Giggles

Giggles said...

Tears are rolling down my face!! Had to reread it aloud to my kids who are also laughing... Seriously ewww...and I love broccoli!!You need to send this post to a humor blog!! Sometimes your fabulous writing overpowers your amazing artwork!!! Feels so good to have the Mummy power eh?? lol

Your puppy is a adorable..

Hugs Giggles

Hugs Giggles

Ritu Dua said...

Oh wow this was really funny! loved your post...every bit of it and the art is equally amazing :)

Neesie said...

Oh Trace, you made me snort my cuppa down through my nose reading your post...not attractive!
What a laugh! I realise just how bad they must be when you said even a weekend with George couldn't tempt you...boy they must be REALLY BAD!
Mufftypup is drooling over your painting of Mushu. He's a handsome brut isn't he. Vonny is amazing and has captured him perfectly. How could anyone resist those eyes?
I'm so glad you didn't feel the need to let him sample the broccoli...teenagers and hubby's well yeah, but not defenceless animals ^..^ xoxo

Carol said...

You nearly had me rolling on the floor laughing :o) I could so see it all happening.
Great paintings too the broccoli and the lovable dog :0)