Thursday, 26 April 2012

Phantom Steve gets messy...

I have no clue why anyone would whine
about having a teenager
and while I do acknowledge that mood swings
the rampant narcissistic tendencies
 and the endless fascination with reality tv
could be seen as a down side
there is also the most glorious upside
which is the parenting party game called
Torture the Teenager

Which takes on so much more depth and resonance
when you have an given birth to a daughter like mine
who despite being glorious and making me burst with pride most of the time,
 is somewhat uptight
Phantom Steve likes things just so and has a tendency to be 
precious about things
we are talking she still has games in pristine condition in the box
and she has never
and I say never 
cracked a book's spine

All of this makes her an easy target for Torture the Teenager
just move a few things, shuffle some books out of order
eat with more than one food on your fork at a time
or my personal favourite, 
drag your feet so you don't leave for drop off at exactly 7.51am
and she is almost at breakdown stage
the eyes roll
the head shakes
the lips mutter
and the steam starts pouring from ears
it is 
in short

But even this pales beside the opportunities for torture
which is all about Mess
and poor Phantom has been duly traumatised by seeing my efforts
and further compounding her nightmare
is hearing about the horror being inflicted 
on these poor books by others
on the Facebook page
Books have been left out in the rain, buried under snow,
 and generally been mistreated in magnificent ways

our fearless leader Lisa suggested getting her involved
so she did the "perfect" page from the top of the blog
which was a pathetic attempt
so I suggested another
which resulted in her wetting a page
writing on it while wet
and then miracle of miracle she even dripped some ink on it

Of course she wrote yet another smart assed comment
about not writing on a wet book
and all the fun came to a swift halt when she actually get ink dripping down her arm
which led to a very hasty retreat on her part

I later found her in the 
King Family Recovery Position
which involves having a lie down
and consuming a medicinal dose of chocolate
the level of trauma is measured by the chocolate required 
so I am figuring things were pretty bad
from the look of this recovery session
main thing is she survived 
and I had a great time watching her squirm
 which is all that matters
in my 
messy messy book...xx


Carolyn Dube said...

That should be an Olympic sport!

Beverley Baird said...

Fun pages!

Unknown said...

oh my...this post was funny! I am already so tortured myself by MyGirl and she is only 10! I think I may adapt your torture the teen game, because that may make the rest easier. :)

Joy said...

Remember that the teenager you are taking great delight in tormenting may be the one who chooses your nursing home - remember what they say about "pay back" ;) !!!

Lorinda.C.F said...

The only downside to not having children is missing the opportunity to torture them during their teen-aged years. Thank goddess I have a nephew and nieces! Thanks for the great tips Tracey! xx

ArtZest said...

I have picked on my kids al their lives. I pick on their friends too. It's a lovely amusement to watch them squirm. They've been so accustomed to it all these years they rarely misbehave. My kids are 20, 17, 15 and they know it's all fun and games until mom starts yelling in Spanish. Then they know they'd better do what I told them to OR ELSE. Torture the teenager is so much fun.

Unknown said...

There is nothing more satisfying than torturing a beloved teenager. Sweet revenge.... :)

Nigel said...

Sounds like great fun, and I'm looking forward to Lisa's course starting.

As for teenagers, the fun hasn't even started yet - wait until the have kids of their own! Oh the joys of digging out the old family albums, reminding them that "you used to do exactly the same thing when you were that age", and best of all, after baby-sitting, just before you return their precious bundle of joy prime them with coke & blue smarties :D
As my daughter frequently tells me, I am evul :D

Lesley Edmonds said...

ROFL! If I'd only come across this game when my 3 boys were teens - but then with boys it tends to be the other way round - How to torture a Mum - in fact - in pretty much the same way as you can torture Phantom Steve.....the horror of remembering is causing an immediate need for chocolate methinks....EEK!

sandra de said...

Teenage girls ... you just got to love them!

Unknown said...

LOVE hearing the angst of other mom's of teens- maybe we should start a club?

Rita said...

Sorry, but I can totally empathize with your teenage daughter! I have never written in a book, not even in college (where I discovered to my horror that it was the popular thing to do--even with library books!!!!) I always break in a new book and crack the spine properly so that they won't break later on. (There is a proper procedure.) I have a very difficult time being messy. All my art teachers cried--loosen up! loosen up! After I finally finish Cathy Johnson's workshop I plan to start a new one that is about mixed media and being messy and loose. I think I am procrastinating and I may have nightmares. ;)

Carmen said...

She sounds like my eldest. So funny and yes we compete in torture the teenager!

Absolutely love this post!

Unknown said...

we have a perfectionist in the house too .... after the teasing and poking fun - it feels so good when we all end up laughing together and the ice finally breaks .... the book group looks like fun - I will follow the link

Beyond to Better Things said...

I juat loved this. Had to forward it to my now 26 year old son with the subject line "Are you sure?", he was so anal about his schedule especially and still tries to be an actual courtesy lacking 1/2 hour early to everything. I applaud you! Thanks!

Jez said...

There's hope that Phantom Steve might even join the Messy Book Group yet. My kids are 50 and 52, and I have to tell you they forget NOTHING, and bring them up years later in evidence against you! I was so cruel I made them eat plums, apparently.