A Messy Messy Tale

Something that you may not know about me is that I am very neat

my brain is a mass of missed connections and random thoughts

and my organisation skills are shambolic to say the least

and any chance of remembering a date or a time 

is completely beyond my capabilities

I lose things, forget what I was doing/ saying/ writing

I drop things, trip over anything in a 50 metre radius 

and lose my train of thought as a matter of course...

but 

I am very neat and tidy...

if things are too messy 

I tend to implode into the darkest recesses

of all those worst traits that lurk just beneath my surface

and keeping order in my environment is the only way to keep 

the chaos and randomness, that is my natural state, at bay

this is just about my only nugget of self awareness

and as such you would think that taking part in a book group

with a title called Mess may be something that I want to avoid

of course I figured how bad could it be

how messy could it get

well it gets messy 

very very messy...

Lisa Over The Wright Stuff is running this free group

yes Free

about Mess:  the Manual of Accidents and Mistakes

by Keri Smith

and to get started she asked us to open it to a page and do what it says

I duly did this

and opened it up to a page that asked me to keep track

of random thoughts for a week

now I have addressed the fact that I can be a touch random at times

and this is a trait I barely keep a lid on

so while not exactly out of my comfort zone

it is probably quite a gentle introduction and I am duly doing it

and having a bit of fun with it...

of course not much fun posting about keeping random thoughts for a week

so I opened to another page and it's instructions were as follows...

I considered dripping coffee, because there would be that great colour

but then I figured I didn't want a book that smelt like coffee

and who would waste tea.... that is mightily sacrilegious in my book

and I'm not quite ready to go that far just yet

so dribs and drabs of watercolours that I had on my desk

seemed like just the ticket

I had been activating some twinkling H2O's 

and so this has a lovely sheen and sparkle to it

so sparkly mess seemed very inviting

5 mins later I had a page looking duly messy

if a little sparkly, and 

there was paint on the desk

and the orange had stained my fingers nicely

and I headed off to our 20th anniversary dinner

feeling messy and happy with myself

Now maybe it was a slight buzzing in my head 

due to a little too much celebrating

or whether I was feeling guilty for making a sparkly pretty  mess,

I was pretty unsatisfied when I had  a look this morning

and got to work messing it up a bit more

and while there is a little way to go...

and I may do a bit more to it at some stage

I don't have to finish it

I can leave it as it is

the only question at this stage is...

Is this what Freedom tastes like

or is this just the first step into a descent into chaos in all areas of my life

maybe it is a it of both...

either way

I kind of like that I can just leave it as it is and move onto something else

which sounds like just what I need at the moment...

thinking I may try and squeeze in one more mess before lunch...xx