It all started so well... exams were done for the year, we are on the home stretch to holidays and the weather is perfect for an after school swim, we are in the pool having a fine time, chatting about the day and lazily having a float, when Phantom decides to play some weird game under the water trying to expel all her breath and see if she comes to the surface or if she stays down there... now perhaps as a parent I should have frowned on this practice but hey she is big enough and ugly enough to take care of herself... so she can explore what ever crazy idea she wants to... this parenting technique has worked out just fine so far, so I see no reason to change it at this point in time. After a few minutes of bobbing in the water like some maniacal cork Phantom leads into a conversation on floating and I happen to bring up that despite the fact that Phantom appears to be probably the most coordinated and talented person ever, she is not the world's best floater.... I on the other hand have been genetically blessed with enough padding to create a built in buoyancy that is one of my few claims to fame....
Now I don't know if it was the waft of chlorine or if I was just lulled into a sense of well-being due to the balmy weather but I made the statement that...
I am so good at floating I could float in 30 foot seas
really Mum you are that good
uh huh... I am the queen of floating
care to test that theory
that you could float in 30 foot seas
no problem child bring it on...
So at this point you are all getting a sense of where this sad tale is heading, but for the sake of completeness if this is needed as testimony in court I will continue. So Phantom arms herself with the body board and I flip onto my back, gazing confidently at the perfect blue skies...
and get hit by the world's biggest wave
ever recorded in a pool
this sucker was a gazillion feet high
little skinny not an ounce of fat on her Phantom
managed to create waves of perfect storm proportions
in about 20seconds flat
I was hit by a wall of water that forced water into my brain
via my sinuses
promptly followed by
a huge gulping mouthful that led to my lungs
to be nicely filled with said wave
I did manage to keep floating, though it was a close run thing
and not for long
and accompanied by maniacal laughter I tried to regain some dignity and glare down the
ungrateful little sod
while water streamed from nose, ears, eyes and lungs
in a rather undignified manner
thinking you may not be the queen of the float then Mum
those waves were so high I thought I saw George Clooney
really from here they looked like gentle lapping ripples
gentle lapping ripples!!! I will give you gentle lapping ripples
I am not proud to say that from that point on it degenerated into a scene resembling 5 year old boys, fighting, splashing, creating waves, and basically trying to drown each other... the madness was finally stopped by the dog deciding it was time to see what all the commotion was and consider joining in the fun... If he hadn't added his calming presence I'm really not sure where it would have ended... though I think I was getting the upper hand...
All night I had to suffer mutters under the breath of ... queen of the float huh... and the like... no one seemed to care that she tried to kill me... that I was almost drowned by a vicious little pixie... an almost victim of patricide..I tell you I am scarred for life... never again can I feel safe in the pool when Phantom is around...
I just don't know how I will recover from this one... If my posts suddenly cease, then you know I have succumbed belatedly to complications and this is my testimony... do with it what you think is best xx